Diet Vernors

My new soft drink of choice is Diet Vernors.  Here’s what makes it great:

  • Ginger flavoring overpowers the taste of aspartame
  • Aspartame overpowers the taste of phenylalanine
  • Vernors is a Michigan thing
  • Diet Vernors tastes very similar to, well, Michigan.
  • No calories, no carbs, no caffeine, very little flavor
  • Barrel Aged
  • In classic “Diet version” color scheme, which makes the packaging seem prescription
  • Very tough to find in most stores
  • Reminds you of Ginger-flavored Altoids, which are also very tough to find
  • Works as 10W-40 (for emergencies only)
  • Keeps scorpions away (I have seen none since starting to drink it)
  • Reminds you of the finer things in life, like how good it feels to get your 10 cents back
  • Sharp can edges assure at least some bleeding
  • The sound of the can opening reminds me of the time my tympanic membrane was perforated

That’s all I can think of, although I’m sure that there’s more.

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