“My soul yearns, even faints, for the courts of the Lord; my heart and my flesh cry out for the living God.” – Psalm 84:2

We are a needy bundle of desires beyond ourselves. Only when we get beyond ourselves do we find what we need. All that we do to find comfort will lead to either a soul healed by God or a temporarily soothed soul ache that gets worse once the numbness wears off.

I’ve spent a fair bit of time in the dentist’s chair. My teeth have been giving up on me for years. Some of the pain I’ve experienced has been un-dullable. There wasn’t enough Motrin in the world to ease the scorching ache that kept me up at night. After an x-ray, the dentist numbed the area and begins drilling and filling. It hurt a lot when I got there, hurt a little during the procedure, and hurt even more after the Novocain wore off. After a few days, nothing hurt at all and I was back to eating steak like the carnivore God made me to be.

The psalmist is talking about a soul-ache that’s un-dullable. There’s not enough temporary comfort in the world to permanently ease the pain. This leads us sinful humans to deal with soul aches by finding temporary solutions that numb soul soreness that can only be fixed by God. A decaying soul yearns (כָּסַס – to long for deeply, to desire greedily) for God, even faints (כָּלָה – ended, exhausted, fails) after trying everything else.

There were times when my molars hurt so badly that I wanted to put my head through a wall. I didn’t because I knew it wouldn’t help, plus, who wants to patch drywall? It was a pain nothing else could touch. Maybe you’ve had a pain like that before. Maybe you do now. I know people who deal with chronic physical pain that interrupts every motion of every day.

We don’t realize our souls hurt like this, too. It’s an ache, a spiritual cavity that overwhelms us and interrupts every spiritual motion of every day. In our search for a solution, sin presents itself as a relief that we know is temporary and unhealthy, but our minds rationalize and our hearts permit, only to find a hole in the wall afterward. What were we thinking? It’s insanity, pure and simple. We all do it — give in to a temporary spiritual solution that ends up making an even bigger mess.

We sin because we hurt. We hurt because we’ve failed to receive God’s love. We limit God’s love because it is confrontational: to be in the light of God’s presence means that everything about us comes to light, which leads to even more initial pain, not less. At some point, though, we hit rock bottom and come to terms with the truth: God’s unfailing love and new mercies are better than the alternative. The Holy Spirit woos us to His presence by grace, not our own efforts, and we finally have a name for what we’re experiencing: my heart and flesh have been crying out for God, and I’ve found temporary relief that buy me some self-satisfying comfort that is temporary. Numbing alone doesn’t fix the source problem and the cycle continues.

My soul yearns, even faints, for the courts of the Lord. In the days of the Old Testament, God’s presence was found in the temple, the place of worship. The Psalmist wants to be near God and knows that the courts that surround the temple is where he needs to be. He’s saying “of all the places I could be spiritually, I’ve realized that it’s only when I’m near God’s presence that I will find true comfort and rest for my yearning, fainting soul.”

In these New Testament days, the temple is found in our hearts (1 Corinthians 6:19-20) but not in our own resources. Rather, it’s His presence in our hearts that mend and feed our souls. Our desires change. Our perspective changes. Our motivation changes. We draw near to God in our soul ache and find what we’ve needed all along — something beyond us that’s actually in us because we’ve received salvation and now hold the presence of the Holy Spirit. Surely this is a miracle of grace. I don’t create this, I receive this and draw from it.

If you have a soul ache today, you’ll find the cure from God’s presence, which, for the believer, is something received and centered upon. Spiritual growth happens because we allow God access to our hearts, which shapes our thoughts, which in turn affects how we live. I sin because I hurt, I hurt because I sin (Romans 7:15-20). When we properly name the source of the hurt by confessing, which is more than just telling God what he already knows we did, we come to terms with the truth of the situation. Soul ache can lead us to either numbing or healing. The healing is found in God’s touch, and God’s touch is invited by us expressing our deepest need with words that align with scripture: my heart and flesh cry out for the living God.

The living God is different from any other spiritual solution. We’re not reading ancient words like Stoics looking to eliminate all desire, which leads to emotional and soul death. Instead, we’re communing with the living, loving God, and this relationship brings life to our dying souls. We become spiritually alive as we practice intimacy with God. But, like the dentists chair, we may have to face the painful reality of our situation and allow healing. If we shy away from it, the chronic soul pain demands numbing and the problem gets worse. If we face God, his infinite and unfailing love bring us to terms with ourselves and heals the source of our self-destructive habits. The pattern shifts because we’ve received love from the living God and thus love and live better — which is living like Christ himself in a broken world full of hurting people.

If your soul hurts today, you will find freedom in calling it what it is: a soul yearning and fainting for God’s holy, healing presence; a dying heart and flesh that cry out for the living God.

I’ve yet to find Him unfaithful in hearing my cry. He will hear yours, too… and will bring the healing you’re desperate for. I can testify.

Draw near to God and he will draw near to you (James 4:8).