I don’t know what you do to kill time between ordering food and eating at restaurants, but Zac and I recently started doing something that passes the time and, as an unintended bonus, may irritate other diners. Best of all, it keeps us off our phones.
What we do is this: one person writes out a one-liner that the other person has to cold read at the restaurant without laughing. It’s kinda difficult and a lot of fun. And slightly awkward.
I ask the server if I may borrow a pen and, if the menus aren’t xerox copies, a piece of paper. One time we used straw wrappers. We take turns, back and forth. Some one-liners are ridiculous. Some are hilarious. I want to remember and thought I’d share it with you as well.
Last Saturday we were at Clementines, which happens to be Zac’s favorite restaurant (right now). We rarely go because 1) re$taurant and 2) distance. It’s out in South Haven, which is a good 55 minutes away — but worth it since it’s just a hop over to the beach, and Lake Michigan is a charming yet brutal sea.
Zac took the pen and started writing. I waited, with some apprehension, unsure of what he was going to have me read out loud — not directly at other diners, but loud enough that eavesdroppers would perhaps find a reason to quickly finish and leave.
Zac writes one, I read it out loud. I write one, Zac reads it out loud. Back and forth, until we got bored and designed flags for the restaurant, which you can see in the above image on the other side of the paper. Selected entries from this excursion include:
“Zac, did I ever tell you about my irrational fear of pickles?”
“Man, my voice is starting to fail. Durn Coronavirus.”
“Sometimes I wish my children called me Uncle Al or Uncle Ernie.”
“I finally figured out what to do with all that hair I’ve been saving. It’s a surprise, but, for now, I’ll just say ‘Happy Father’s Day.”
“I wonder if my toenails wish they got more credit for my success as a shoeless tap dancer.”
“I have vivid memories of tomorrow.”
“I’m so committed to shopping local, I moved into the store. Ssshhh.”
My Favorite one used part of the menu text:
They may not seem all that funny, and that’s probably because they aren’t. Also, they may seem kind of esoteric and weird, and that’s probably because they are. BUT, I wanted to make sure I have this in the blog memory banks. I am so proud of my children — all three of them are creative and quirky and like to hang out with me right now. Every day with them is a gift.
Life is what happens while you’re busy writing one liners on paper menus.