Whenever I go to the bank, I try to make sure they don’t see me as a big dude who’s there to rob the place. As I approach the glass doors, I check the reflection to make sure I appear non-threatening. If I’m holding my wallet, I try to hold it like it’s not a gun, just an awkwardly carried wallet, hoping to put the people behind the counter at ease. The awkwardness probably draws attention, which is irony at its best. Bank employees, police officers, store security. They have to be on guard, and I don’t want them to spend energy worrying about me. And what’s the deal with ski masks? Can you think of the last time you saw a person wearing a ski mask who wasn’t robbing a bank? I don’t think I could wear one (a ski mask) (or a bank, I suppose). I keep coming across those choppy online videos where some bank robbery is botched… or carried out successfully… and I always think two things. First, why are they still using VCR’s for their surveillance? Second, I don’t want to be part of any kind of heist. I just want to get one of those lollipops from the counter. A blue one, if it’s there.