Humiliating Failure

As a self-protecting, self-sufficient, self-inflicting person, I am addicted to violent overexposure of my energies and abilities, totally unaware of the needle on the redline.  I’m the bus driver that has passengers looking over my shoulder, saying “eh… you may wanna check the oil pressure there… those blinking red lights probably aren’t good…”

Every once in a while I max out and shut down.  This happened to me on Tuesday.  My vulnerability to infection is magnified by our children going to school and sharing everything with us, like some kind of germ co-op that cycles through every home like some kind of militant microbe who loves to take over the host, pulling out of orbit and into limbo.  This is Major Tom to ground control: I’m floating in a most peculiar way…

I admit that sickness is humiliating because I like to keep a methodical schedule and to-do list.  This has been off for about a week now.  It’s a failure because of my humanity, my susceptibility to sickness, and my apparent importance being challenged by the limits of physicality.  I guess what I’m trying to say is this: I hate getting sick, even for a few days, because it throws everything off and reminds me that I’m not God.  Like Chris from Parks and Rec, my body is like a microchip.  Well.. a husky microchip.

Thank God for His grace that doesn’t rely on my performance.  He has it all together and I do my best to live my lack of togetherness to His glory.  I look forward to Monday (tomorrow) because it means I get to start again.  Until then, I’m going to lay down and make sure to get plenty of rest.  Now that it gets dark at like 3:30pm, that’s not too difficult.  The kids and the parents — one of them, at least — will all crash at the same time tonight.  Tomorrow the day will start with prayer and then make a smooth transition to toast and eggs, blaring morning music and endless searches for matching mittens — even mittens that sorta match will do.

Here’s to enjoying our limitations in God’s glorious presence.

 

About radamdavidson

I'm a husband, dad, and pastor living in Portage, Michigan. I suppose I'm a euphoric melancholy generalist with average skills, experiences, and passions across several intertwined disciplines and hobbies including music, speaking, writing, leadership, ministry, and collecting cultural artifacts from the 1980's -- mostly vintage boomboxes. You can read my blog at www.radamdavidson.com, subscribe to my podcast (RadCast) or friend me on facebook.com/radamdavidson. about.me/radamdavidson
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One Response to Humiliating Failure

  1. Pingback: He who blogged too soon « radamdavidson.com

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