A handy guide to the sounds of the suburbs and their meaning.

Freight Trains say The world is active.  People have already done things and are doing things.  This stuff is going to people who expect it, so that they can do things.  Join the fun.  Trains are also saying look out and caution and please stop, because I really can’t.  

Airplanes say Hey you, down there!  Yes, you!  These people are headed up and out because those sales don’t make themselves / because it’s too cold down there / because Mickey Mouse is a top-notch rodent.  If airplanes had horns, as trains do, they would certainly say much more, albeit unnecessarily.

Lawnmowers say I bet your grass is getting too long.

Leaf blowers say Guess what’s in your lawn now!

Sirens say We told you!  Hotplates are dangerous! 

Dogs say woof.  That woof, however, has many different possible meanings.  Woof may mean I see you or I don’t see you but I still smell you or Hello, other dogs! or Everything’s fine.  This is why dog owners constantly bark: Shut up.  Lots of barking in the suburbs.

Laptop computers say typetypetypetype and all of the above, too.