Apple CEO Tim Cook, doppelganger to my Jr. High Computer Teacher Mr. Curtis, recently announced the release of the Apple Watch.  Many reports and rumors in the last few years finally reached their conclusion, pushing speculation aside for technical reality.  Thousands of editorial pieces are already published, many videos of journalistic demonstrations are linked, and wildly various opinions abound.  As a lifetime Apple user, having programmed my first Hi-Resolution graphic of a Christmas Tree using an Apple IIe under the tutelage of Mr. Curtis, I certainly have some thoughts. Listen: I’m no expert.  I know that I’m just one of a few million kids who spent too much time getting his worldview shaped by playing Oregon Trail, and that has to count for something.  Three somethings, actually:

1) Irony of ironies: one reporter described the Apple Watch as a tool for reducing the distractions of the iPhone, as texts and other communications are represented on the small and readily available wrist-band screen, meaning that the user doesn’t have to remove the phone from their pocket to check messages. The issue we’re tackling here is the fact that no one can just look at what text they got — a checked text pushes us to also check email, facebook, twitter, etc. while we’re at it.  Wait — they invented a StarTrekian communication device that is so irritating that we need a secondary device to improve our experience?   Soon the Apple Brain will replace the distractions caused by the overbearing and intrusive Apple Watch.

2) I’m not a watch guy, so I probably don’t even deserve to sit with the grownups this particular table, but how can it cost that much?  Seventy Billion Million?  

3) As a dude who has to special order just about everything from the Big ‘n’ Tall section, I have to wonder if that wristband is going to fit, not that I’m going to buy one, unless it’s because someone buys my Hi-Res graphic of the Christmas Tree.  I printed it on an ImageWriterII™, so it’s pretty great.  We start the bidding at $349+tx.

What are the odds that I will someday have an Apple Watch?

Sigh.

Pretty good, actually.