Dear Starbucks,

I’ll tell you why I stopped going to your place as often, since maybe you’ve noticed that I’m not the frequent customer I once was. It’s because you pretty much stopped brewing decaf. Every time I ask for decaf coffee, you offer something called an “Americano”, which is what happens when concentrated coffee is expanded by nearly boiling water. If I wanted that, I would go to a Douwe Egbert’s machine. There’s nothing wrong with coffee from concentrate… as long as you don’t mind coffee from concentrate. But I do. Call me picky, but I do. I’m at Starbucks and I’m leaving with $2.25 less, which I was planning on using to buy food for my children. Ergo: bad coffee from Starbucks = hungry children. Thanks. Thanks a lot.

I don’t have time to get into it, since I need to get to this Doctor’s appointment and all. They’re keeping an eye on my blood pressure, which runs in the family and, admittedly, isn’t helped by all the regular coffee I might consume. Thus the switch to decaf. And thus the disappointment on my part. And thus the Biggby cup in my hand.
And, I guess, thus, my children will have $0.25 more for food.
Biggby, you are Jolly Old St. Nick himself.

Regards,
r