I’m wearing a V Neck t shirt today, which is something I thought I would never do, given the unspoken perceptions that are usually associated with this particular style. I’m not skinny and I don’t drink latte’s, yet, here I am, languidly sitting on our deck, drinking brewed coffee, and keeping a safe distance away from the general public because I’m wearing a V Neck t shirt.
I can say with some assurance that Emily told me to get it, but only after I said to her “should I get this?” — as a joke. She answered and said “yes”, perhaps as a joke. But I tried calling her bluff by buying it outright, and we haven’t spoken since. Well, we’ve spoken, but certainly not about the V Neck.
Initial review: my neck, usually adored with a truly circular ring with a clearly defined circumference, feels strangely free. My desire to wear a gold medallion necklace is increasing by the second, and my confidence seems to have improved slightly.
I guess I’ll keep it on for now.
1:31PM – My children seem more obedient, the mailman offered to start filtering out my junk mail for me. Val-Pak coupons are already becoming a distant memory.
1:48PM – An international dignitary that shall remain nameless just called and asked for my economic advice, which was “sell, sell, sell.” A glance at the CNN ticker suggests that sections of Canada are now owned by the people of North Dakota.
2:14PM – The Prime Minister of Canada has requested that I put on a ringer t shirt before Montana “comes-a-knockin-a”. My children think I’m some kind of model. Emily has stopped reading romance novels. A Mountie is at the door.
2:37PM – Too many things have gone wrong. I have removed the V Neck t shirt and will hide it in a place where no one will find it: Alberta.
Of course, none of this really happened. But what if it did? Would your family be prepared? Take a moment now to gather the children. Make sure they know the dangerous powers of the V Neck. Get some batteries and a flashlight and practice taking shelter in your panic room. Construct an escape ladder out of old bones. Make extra money at home by calling this number. Lose belly fat by trying this one old trick.