bedside

I’ve spent most of today sitting and watching my Mom breathe. It will likely be pretty much the last thing she’ll do on earth. Her eyes are closed and her hand is warm. She’s beautiful. Her sleep is sometimes interrupted by pain, made evident by a grimace or a quiet moan. When that happens, we push a button and medicine is delivered in the most direct way possible. Seconds pass and she’s back to a gentle sleep. It’s the same sleeping face I remember seeing when I was a scared four year old, laying — cowering, really — next to her while a thunderstorm rumbled through. I knew I was safe because she seemed okay with the whole thing, mumbling that it was okay and that I could go back to sleep. I laid next to her and felt safe. She was asleep. Soon, so was I.

I wish I could say I felt the same kind of safety and comfort now. I can’t. Not yet, at least.

Attention Christians: Yes. Jesus makes it okay. But Jesus still wept when Lazarus died. Believe me, I know the Max Lucado lines. I’ve delivered them and have heard even more. Platitudes didn’t work on a weeping Savior and they don’t work that well on me right now. It’s okay to dwell in the pain, so don’t feel like I need to be talked out of it, Christian style. Let me recommend that you instead take a moment to somehow thank your mom for something she did for you when you were little. Just a little Pastoral advice, I suppose.

Thanks for praying for me and my family right now. Your support is much appreciated. Soon, Mom will be with Jesus, the same One who wept with those who wept and now reigns over all, conquering sin and removing the sting of death.

7 comments

  1. Adam, I am praying for you all. And God is so madly in love with you. It is a wonderful thing actually to read your words here. You are gaining so much right now from the Lord God Almighty. Let Him minister to you all in the way that only He can. And know that there are many out here praying for you guys all the while… Sniping away at the enemy. Lots of love guys.

  2. Adam, I am so sorry for your pain right now. I am thankful your Mom will be with Jesus and will absolutely love my mom a little more today. You and your family are in my prayers.

  3. Adam, I just went through this with my mother. She died on March 25th. I am so with you right now, it hurts…………………………………Love to you and your family

  4. Thank you for your deep insightful trip into your pain. I will not try to comfort you with words, I will not quote the appropriate scripture to you. I will sit here silently at my computer and pray for you, Sara & Jim, just as we have been doing all along.

    Somehow your words help make my prayers diffirent. Somehow I go back in time to 1990 when my mother died. Yes I wish I could honor your request to hug her and tell her what she meant to me.

    When she starts taking short breathes…you will know she is not far from going home.

    Thank you.

    Ed n Donna

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