A woman in Madrid, Spain, claims ownership of the Sun. Not a Sun. THE Sun. As in, the thing that makes it so we can see and be warm and not become a giant ball of ice, etc. She even has documentation from her government (thanks, Spain) that declares her to be the rightful owner. Oh, and one more thing… she wants to charge all of us for using her Sun. If you’re enjoying the benefits of Mr. Sunshine right now, which I may or may not be doing, you owe her cash. Don’t worry, though, because she has promised to use 10% of what comes in to do Sun-related research. So no, it’s not totally crazy or anything.

Here’s my idea: I’ll send her a check. I’ll get a receipt. Then, I’ll start making some connections. For example, our curtains are starting to fade. My sunburn is in the shape of a giant question mark on my stomach and won’t go away. Also, I ran into that bus full of Elvis impersonators because I was driving Westward into the — no, your blinding Sunset.

Calling Sam Bernstein now.

You think I’d make something like this up? No — here’s irrefutable internet proof.
You think I’d go through with it and sue, choking our legal system even more with pointless bickering and superfluous neck braces? Nah. Let’s save that for Judge Judy.