Our garbage disposal, as bearded home expert Bob Vila might say, “went kaput” a few days ago. It no longer grinds and disposes our garbage, which is devastating to our kitchen culture at home. The job of the garbage disposal is on the highest level of kitchen convenience because you can toss just about anything into a disposal and never ever have to see it again. Let’s say, for example, that your family partakes in a delightful turkey. Just for fun, let’s pretend it’s Thanksgiving. And if you wanna have some *real* fun, let’s hide Grandpa’s pills.
Wait. No… too far. Let’s take the fun back a notch.

Okay. So it’s thanksgiving. And Grandpa’s doing great. Not only is he up to date on his meds, he also scored the winning side of the wish bone. That bone, in fact, will be the only bone left because your family has a guideline: no keeping turkey bones around the house. You remember how that policy got started? Yes. Yes you do. I see the tears. Believe me, I don’t like to remember Thanksgiving ’97, either.

Thus the family motto: “Turkey bones to the trash!” Your family even yells that at basketball games, much to the alarm of the other people sitting in the stands. People look at you like you’re a little strange, but they don’t know. They weren’t there at Thanksgiving ’97. If they were, they’d understand your motto: “Turkey bones to the trash!” Indeed. Get them out of the house. Purge those bones. No turkey bones in the house. I cannot stress that enough. Let’s keep Thanksgiving the joyous event that it was meant to be, a cornucopia of delights, doused in rich creamery gravy.

The biggest drawback with putting bones in the trash is that neighborhood cats seem to have the opposite policy: “Meow meow turkey bones strewn across lawn!” All that to say this: I guess it’s not so easy to throw away turkey bones.

Enter the garbage disposal.

You can put ANYTHING down a garbage disposal and never see it again. You can also keep them away from those pesky neighborhood cats. Problem identified, problem solved.

Oh. I’ve just received word that you cannot put turkey bones into a garbage disposal.

Welp. That would explain that.