RadBrew(r) Coffee Rank

I’m here to tell you: I love Dunkin’ Donuts coffee. Yet I don’t like the way it tastes when I brew it at home. What in the world are they mixing into their coffee beans when they brew it at the store? I don’t know, but it probably involves some kind of jelly filling. Therefore this list is for those who are Out ‘n’ About…driving around, between two points, hoping to spur the local Economy. With so many choices, won’t someone step up to the challenge? I don’t know, but I’d like to help sort through the confusion.
Here’s my Coffee Rank, in descending order:

  • Dunkin’ Donuts is my favorite. Strong yet smooth, its good enough on its own and even better with a Bavarian Creme donut alongside.
  • Starbucks is second. Strong yet…strong. Even their Decaf keeps me up at night. But there’s no denying that part of the Fourbucks experience is the feeling you get when you’re ordering… that you’re special. Just like everyone else.
  • Tim Horton’s is third. This Canadian corporation has great coffee. Hot, solid, but not too strong. Good stuff. Their donuts on the other hand… not so great, at least not to me. You’ll never catch me eating anything at Tim Horton’s. Those Canadians know their coffee but something gets lost in the metric conversion when it comes to pastries. Sorry, Brian. Sorry to all Canadians everywhere. I love you, but I’ll bring my own Donuts. Taste one. You’ll like it.
  • Beaners is pretty good, but I always feel like a doofis when I order. I can’t find the Java Jackets… or I don’t get the refil rules. Some Beaner’s want you to pay $1 for a refil; last week I was shot at for trying to pay for it. I don’t get it.
  • McDonalds makes a good brew that has its cheapness as the main selling point. Even with a cupholder full of sticky nickles, I can always scrounge up enough for a small regular…no cream.
  • Then, there’s the Never Never list:

  • Fast Food…with BK at the top of the list. Burger King coffee is actually nothing more than syrup mixed with hot water. I’m not sure, but I think this syrup is used to fix roof leaks. Wendy’s uses a Bunn coffee pot, but only tend to brew it in bulk…once a month. And Taco Bell? Do they even have coffee?
  • Gas Station X is usually the result of an oil change instead of water passed through grounds. Sometimes you can get good stuff — but it can be hard to tell. Here’s the secret: judge by the cups. If they are styrofoam — run. If they are elegant paper cups with Java Jackets and lids that come with directions, you’re in the right place.
  • There you go. Of course, if I’m home, I always hit the Bay…Evelyn Bay.

    PS: There’s the unique category of Coffee Houses that have sprung up within other organizations. I refer to the Coffee House within a Used Car Place / Florist / Local Bookstore / Gift Shop / Hardware Store / Bakery / Library / Barber Shop / Butcher / Friend’s Garage. At most of these places, the following can usually be found:
    1. The coffee is pretty good, but usually not hot. That’s because you’re their third customer…ever.
    2. It takes a long time to get what you ordered. That’s because no one is exactly sure how the machines work. And they were in the middle of something else when you came.
    3. They don’t take credit cards. Some places have never even heard of them. Which is actaully smart on their part, since that 3-5% surcharge digs into their paper-thin profit margins. Can’t blame ’em there.

    About radamdavidson

    I'm a husband, dad, and pastor living in Portage, Michigan. I suppose I'm a euphoric melancholy generalist with average skills, experiences, and passions across several intertwined disciplines and hobbies including music, speaking, writing, leadership, ministry, and collecting cultural artifacts from the 1980's -- mostly vintage boomboxes. You can read my blog at www.radamdavidson.com, subscribe to my podcast (RadCast) or friend me on facebook.com/radamdavidson. about.me/radamdavidson
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